I Am A Machine.

25 years together I am glad my sense of humour has rubbed off on the good lady. Those of you who received Mrs’E’s email last week will have seen how comedic she now is after 25 years together and 20 years married to one of the funniest men on the planet.

I did have a little mishap last week and I have found that as the years tick by these new experiences pop up a bit more often. I liken it to car’s; the old doddery bangers go on forever with no style but the fine-tuned machines such as Ferrari’s only need the slightest thing to go wrong to get them off the road.

I am of course the finely tuned machine.

It was nothing serious just a trapped nerve in my back. On waking I did think I was paralysed and the first thought in my head was how the hell has that happened? I went to bed fine, 4 hours later I cannot move. Two or three days later when I could once again get myself up I did – as Sam put it – shuffle around like a robot – for a few days as my head, shoulders and torso moved all as one unit, she shared this with Soccerstato Steve who then thought it amusing to call me C3PO. All of a sudden the Villa fan from Brum is getting involved. It was wuite funny he generated a horse service email to be sent to me with the horse selections all being robot names, some people have too much time on their hands. Personally, it was more like a cross of C3PO and the Hunchback of Notre Dame.

Back to my ailments. A few years back for me it was frozen shoulder, from nowhere the inability to raise my arm more than a foot or so materialised one morning. This took a year to go away and within a few weeks the other arm did the same thing. All very bizarre? Throw in mysterious hairs growing from my ears, the odd long eyebrow, the addition of glasses and I would have to ascertain at the ripe old age of 46 I am entering middle age despite being finely tuned. Not sure it is that much fun. Where do these things suddenly appear from. What part of evolution requires long hairs to appear from inside my ears at the age of 45?

The truth is I do need to get a bit fitter movement wise. I hardly drink alcohol and I eat healthily but I don’t do much actively. 10 hours plus 7 days a week in front of PC screens is not the way forward. I am working on automating a lot more of what I do so that I can get on the golf course by 11am each day after the racing prices are finalised and I then don’t see why I won’t enjoy Spurs title triumphs in person over the next 50 years or so. I certainly could not play golf every day but would oike to tune up the swing sometime to give good old suggsy62 a sound pasting. My last meeting with Paul he declared he had 3 handicaps, I think that says it all, golf the last bastion of fair sport and we have a guy with 3 handicaps! To quote Keegan, I will love it , just love it when I beat him.

Those talking of my demise last week were very premature I assure you plenty of longevity in the family bloodline. I now even have a stand-up desk! I will be here for years.

Moving on I have steam building up inside of me now and it is all going to come to a head. I ditched the review side of this game some years back as it wound me up and didn’t really go anywhere but I have found myself dragged back into it this last few months – freely I add, and it really is starting to piss me off again.

It will soon be time to name names. The short price favourite service has decimated a bank and on one bet backing Italy this week at short odds on, the only reasoning seemed to be that “Italy always get out of these situations”. So, we now bet on stereotypes from 20-30 years ago. That sort of thing drives me mad. I don’t mind the losing of services and we have had losing services it is the lack of humility and wanting to put things right and just pure greed to rip people off. The day after that result which has seen a £1200 loss in a very short time after a huge fanfare of sales spiel the same guy sends a mail out for a £1000 subscription to services that just do not win – and does it with gusto.

I will revisit the Azzuri’s failure to reach the World Cup for the first time since 1958 next month, the truth is it has been an ageing team in decline for some time now with a poor manager, reminds me of England a few years ago

This week someone else who has been winding me up I get what is being called Fake Mug bets I mean do me a ******** favour. These people need digging out and to stop taking the piss out of you guys as if you don’t have a brain.  They are relentless. The “mug bet” people just email day after day, tripe after tripe all aimed at lining their pockets. They had a ruck sometime back this year with a good friend of mine who helped build the original Betfair exchange but now is a punter who operates an all bot style in and out trading pre-race mostly automated that he built himself. These “mug bet” people launched a service that appealed to him as it was a bot based thing using what were called I believe data plans, not up my street but you loaded that day’s data plans and the bot did the rest apparently.

Day 1 he told me it could never work, he knows the exchange and said it had to fail with 100, 200-300 users whatever these guys get as they bombard people with marketing emails – and don’t think for one minute they have any restrictions on numbers it is all smoke and mirrors. Anyhow he went on to the forum which is most unlike him and politely stated that it could not work and early days it seemed people were getting different results as the bot triggering bets was getting different prices for different people or the available money had gone so no bet was placed in the time frame. A complete bag of nails. We have encountered and are fixing this exact issue on FTS as we look to head towards seamless automated betting, it is the Nirvana but not without substantial issues for mass people to use. He of course got rounded on by the providers, filed it all as too much hassle and requested a refund. I searched for the service yesterday after receiving the “mug bet” email, I can’t even find it now.

The data service was a good few hundred quid plus the assumed accrued losses. I have no idea where it has disappeared to or the providers may have given all the money back, but I highly doubt it. They promote something every single day often 2-3 times a day and yesterdays offering (and now another 10 days of bombardment will follow) is “Fake Super Fake, dodge the bookies never get your account closed Bookie Accumulator Mug Bets which are not mug bets but provide you with lifetime riches”.

Honestly I get so steamed up it traps nerves in my back.

I will tell you 100% an accumulator compounds a bookies overround so diminishes any edge you have. If you did happen to keep winning accumulator bets (unlikely) you will still get closed. Bookmakers are not imbeciles they are in business, they want losers not winners and will soon root you out no matter what you think your angle is. I work with and have worked with some of the cleverest in the game particularly in racing and it is all complete tosh this sort of thing.

These people simply want to line their pockets with your cash. They are excellent at it. I dont blame you guys as they just hammer you into submission. The emails asking me if I am out of my mind as I have not signed up to their latest fabulous offer as their traciking tells them so, really does make my blood boil. Not one of them can show a bet, not one of them, they act as if they are your best mate. No matter what the latest buzz word is, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency, Greyhounds with 5 legs, Colossus 20 leg, spreadbetting, accumulators they have a system for it. I do this game day in day out and lucky to meet 1 or 2 really good judges a year, these guys have 365 of the feckers every year. They sit in their scammy little dens thinking how can we rip people off today, ********. This post will have repercussions, but I was a lot more naïve in this game online 5 years ago I am putting preparations in place to really get into the heart of this BS.

It is about being a right person. We will have losers, we may have disasters, the key is that is not the intention and if it goes wrong, I always want to address it and try to put it right. Yesterday I went and met an FTS member for coffee who I happen to like as he has always been good to the site and is juts a good egg. He has not made much progress, so I went and met him for an hour or so and talked it through and we have a plan. I want him to win and will help him to do so. I had a phone call 2 days ago with a women I had never met from Wales ( see I don’t discriminate) and she told me how she had bought crap after crap and we talked through a plan for her starting in January 2018. I wish I could help everyone but time is limited but we give it a good go. I don’t sleep much anyway but I would not sleep at all peddling crap with no conscience and I don’t know how they do it. I know a group of them meet in London for big piss up show off dinner must be absolutely bloody awful!

Rant over, but more to come on that.

Back to the comedic Mrs E, not sure whether to let her have the keyboard again. She is whisking me away today onwards to celebrate 25 years of being together and 20 years of marriage as our anniversary comes around. We have never ever celebrated an anniversary so not sure what this is all about all of a sudden but she is a good old girl (6 years senior) and has had to endure more sport themed chaos in her life than most so I am more than happy to oblige. We also have a good friend turning 50 and celebrating 30 years of marriage so moving onto those celebrations also. I am really looking forward to it to be honest, get my trapped nerves away from a screen for a while.  (I will be crying out for a screen about 4 days in, I guarantee it)

I will not be around until the end of the month in any capacity other than to post the football and make sure other selections go out and things are not going pear shaped. If an email for any service is not delivered to you it is unlikely I will be able to forward it as I won’t be keeping an eye out so you will have to use the website members area (aimed at Hotmail users there, why people persist I do not know!).

Services and football will not be interrupted in anyway and we have a kotchel of football ahead over the next month and some nice profits will be made I am sure.


Portal DELTA members I have updated your page please visit it as subs now due. Will sort any queries when back

Portal ECHO commenced on 1st November and is now running for those involved, a very small profit in this time of limited football already made. If you wish to get in for December 1st then visit the Portal ECHO sign up page –

http://ftsincome.co.uk/portal-echo-20172018/ , new applications are ok until then end of this year and then that is the Portal done for new clients.

The first update for that along with agreements will be available in the first week December.

(Agreements being sent for members of both Portals)

The FTS trading days are pretty much full certainly Birmingham and London, I think London has couple of spaces as people have shuffled venues, I am loving that material and looking forward to those days and sharing it as I think it will get some really going well. I see some familiar names and new so look forward to meeting all attendees in London for the first one on the 10th December.

We of course have the NLD this weekend, I expect the Gooner’s will win and “The Great Poch’s” away record against the rest of the top 6 to drop a few more percentage points. I did like the ease with which we dispatched Palace last time out!


I think that is all from me, as stated in most blogs I write them for my therapy not yours but thank you for reading. I will finish with a bit of nostalgia as I enter this middle age period of life. I was sent this video link and for those of us born in the late 60’s early 70’s ( 70’s for me by the way) and I found it quite enjoyable and agree with the sentiment at the end of the video. I may revisit this subject in a future blog. You do need volume and there is the odd swear word but nothing offensive, in fact the Michael Fish line is simply superb. If your under 25 it wont mean a jot to you and you will think us “oldies” are a different species all together. Got a few things to cover in blogs going to diversify into a bit of Trump, Transgender and Race as well as gambling themes, as I say therapy, these issues bubble inside me on a daily basis. Should be fun! See you first week of December. Have a great weekend unless your a Gooner of course 😉


Enjoy the video, sound up and sing along.

19 thoughts on “I Am A Machine.”

  1. I always enjoy your rant, Ian, I know what you mean. I used to fall for all the marketing stuff, and I have been ripped off big time and small time. Eventually I realised how few people actually REALLY make a consistent profit, and am still searching for that Holy Grail. I even failed to profit from your LTD system (though Sod has his law, which is me picking the season when Leicester won the league). So I became a blogger for a review website so that at least I got to see these things free. I still do it. Trouble is, it turns out that once you’ve found out a system isn’t working (you can get a reasonable idea after a month, I know this isn’t long enough but you know what I’m saying) you’re committed to following it and logging the results for at least 3 months, and it becomes unpaid work. You do it in the hope that you’ll find something which works. I haven’t counted but I must have tested 50-100 services, and I’m not using one of them.
    I do get confused sometimes about how to determine the good guys from the bad. I agree about this latest “mug punter” marketing crap, and that service is saying as used by Pete Ling of the Secret Betting Club, and I have that club as like you, won’t take any nonsense. I don’t know if Pete actually endorses either the product or the marketing, but I would certainly be very surprised about the latter.
    And I’m being encouraged to buy a 2000% increase cryptocurrency system for £3k by a guy who has so many millions you do wonder why it’s worth his hassle. Or there’s a ‘Variant 6’ that pops £59 into your Betfair account every day just for turning on a bot. I’ve tried that one too!
    Funny how so many of them who tell you there are only 100 available and today is absolutely the last day this is for sale and then something ‘goes wrong’ on their emails and just in case we missed it the doors are briefly open once again.
    This is the price you pay for the folly of the lure of easy money.

    1. I was involved as well in 15/16 with it mate. Laying the draw alone is very powerful in my view. The home shorties are very solid, the mid season portion is where I strengthened it a lot. Even if you lay the draw like a blind man you can’t get beat over thousands of bets. Very powerful really when you think about it that just laying the draw blind in every game in the big 4 leagues is 60pts up to date since 12/13.

      Only outcome that wins blind in the match odds, backing the draw blind would leave you homeless. I personally believe a couple million can be won just from laying the draw using the 50% stake increases. Would take around 10-11 yrs to win that sort of money from it in my view

  2. Glad you are well! I’m still stunned that arsenal are odds of 2.56 to win at home to tottenham on saturday, last season they were 1.99 at home and 4 of the last 5 seasons they have been odds on! The last time tottenham beat arsenal away in the league was 7 years ago back in 2010. Even in the worst possible scenario they should be odds of around 2.3 to win on sat.

    Any reason why they are such a big price, seems to be a bunch of crackheads who have been pricing up some of these games this season in the prem. Chelsea as well were 2.50s at home to man utd, when chelsea piss all over man utd ever since fergie left. Appears to be big value available in the prem this season on teams like chelsea, arsenal ,.. Villarreal and barca in spain are offering great value as well for punters in terms of price.

    Man city have been backed into oblivion as if they are the best team the world has ever seen all of a sudden. They are doing very well but people are making out as if they are going to go the whole season invincible. I highly doubt this, even real madrid last season in la liga when they were playing “so well” but got beat away by the likes of sevilla 2-1 and valencia 2-1 and that is with them having the best away record last season in the league that you possibly could do winning 77% away games.

    I personally believe the value in the champs league winner this season lies with barca, bayern, chelsea, juve. City massively over-backed as well as PSG. Real Madrid will be a different animal as well come the business end of this season when ronaldo decides to pull his finger out of his ass

  3. As an aside- Does anyone know the origins of the Tottenham badge?
    always wondered the meaning behind having a cockerel standing on a basketball

    Tottenham apparently originally used to be a cricket club back in the day

      1. haha, good luck for the derby. I still can’t believe this arsenal price – would be obscene for arsenal to go off higher than 2.64 at home in this match.

        Arsenal nearly went on a run of 14 home wins in a row in all comps just now but Red Star Belgrade put the kibosh on that with that 0-0 in the europa. Shocking stuff that from arsenal at home to a bunch of farmers at odds of 1.3s sent everyone to sleep in that game.

        Arsenal always get the most criticism from the media but no one seems to criticise pochettino for not winning any big trophies, they all seem to laud him up as the messiah. Everyone knows what arsenal are all about in the current climate- they win the home games fairly regularly especially against the small sides in the league and at least once a season in the league they will get their pants pulled down by losing a home game against a small club like they did vs watford last season (1-2) and swansea the season before (1-2), etc. Away from home they get bantered off willy nilly against the big boys and even against the small clubs away they will get bantered off here and there. Wenger’s a legend really, seems to be operating in a time warp with the exact same scenarios playing out every season he is there.

        As for Tottenham, everyone knows what to expect this season. At home they are shaky at wembley lot of 1-0 wins recently but not setting the house on fire, getting away with it. Away from home they are a bit more flambuoyant generally. I still don’t believe that they have the bollocks to win the big trophies though, when it comes down to the crunch they end up throwing wobblies in the business end of the season. They seem to get a lot more respect from the media though than chelsea do which I don’t understand to be honest, chelsea have taken england by storm over the last ten years winning the big trophies but no one seems to respect them.

        1. It is because Spurs do it on a budget and Chelsea buy whoever they want that is why the media big Pochettino up against the other clubs. To even be up competing with Utd, City, Chelsea and Arsenal is no mean feat with the Tottenham budget and wage structure but yes it has to turn into something otherwise we are just the best of the rest

  4. Another good rant and as always a good read too. However you again struggle with some of the detail mate. Lets deal with this golf thing!!! So as I explained to you I have my official club handicap plus 2 others for two different group/societies that I play in. I’ll let you decide which one I should use when we play.

    Just so all are aware, this game of golf started out as me saying “oh you play golf? me too maybe we should have a little knock round one day” and has now become a “I cant wait to give him a pasting” challenge. So be it.

    My only concern is IF, you was to give me a beating I can be sure that you will already be typing out your next blog before we’ve even walked off the 18th green. However should the result go the other way will your adoring followers ever get to hear about it?????

    Have a good break. It will be full on football when you return.

    Paul aka suggsy62

    1. Ha ha when we get this game on I will announce it pre-round and give a fair unbiased sport report like blog at the end of it, even with video evidence 🙂

      Hope your well mate call you when back

  5. Liking the blast from the past, feel really old to remember all that, commodore 64-check had one, atari-check had that too. TDK cassettes, chocolate bars that were proper sizes or was it cos i was smaller then, Robbie in grange hill mixing with the Gooners trying to become a top lad, opal fruits NOT STARBURST!!!! same for marathons,waking up in the summer holidays at dawn and home at dusk, making dens playing footy, general mischief, ahh those summers…my kids still dont believe they were that hot the kick stand on my grifter sunk into the pavement tarmac, i aint making it up! proper snow too, ice slides the full length of the play ground. Adidas kick,samba,diadora borg elite,reebok phase 1 and the pump,grey farahs with ellesse or fila trackie top, pastel coloured le shark/lacoste ( if you had the cash ) polo, sta press, harringtons, snorkel coats, the gold chains, sovereign rings Foster menswear, hanging around mcdonalds on the ramp ( Birmingham ) or wimpy, C&A, athena poster shop,our price records. The ford escort mexico and RS2000, capri with the 3 x 2 slab in the boot to hold the corners, pepperpot XR2, when english teams ruled europe ,Villa winning the european cup wearing my replica away le coq sportif kit whilst watching it. Ricky Villa shuffle. Those first holidays abroad ( 1982 Salou and getting my first Lacoste trackie top cos its was cheaper over there y’know ) complaining about the lack of english food!!! music when it meant something i still believe that being born in the 70’s you witnessed or were part of the last music movements Punk, Mod/Ska revival, new romantics, rap ( Run DMC, grandmaster flash sugar hill gang public enemy and the beastie boys ) and then the last of any major youth movement….aciiiiiiiiiiiid/raves/house culminating with that brit pop tiff ( the north won i still say ) then it all died to the industry churned out drivel that i heard all before couldnt tell you whos been number one for god knows how long. I miss those times, glad i was raised in that era lucky enough to experience the first and last of so many great things.
    I’ll leave you with an episode i had at work……the lads sometimes have a sing a long when working and two of the twenty somethings were near enough harmonious i said to therm ” i expect you to do Maverick and Goose next “, “who?” came the reply, ” y’know You lost that loving feeling in the bar, Top Gun “, they looked at me as if i was crazy, “you never seen Top Gun?”, “no” and “whats that” came the reply, i looked skywards and walked off knowing i wasted 3 mins of my life i will never get back and realizing i have nothing in common with that generation. Cant see the noughties and whatever this part of the decade is called been looked back on as fondly as the 60’s,70’s and 80’s. It goodnight from me and good night from him.

  6. Great post, Ian.

    Got to move more, though. Golf doesn’t really count. Your frozen shoulders didn’t come from nowhere. Lack of movement. Every morning do something like Tai Chi. Move your arms through their full range then you won’t be shocking your shoulders when golfing.

    Trapped nerve in your back is from too much sitting and standing. Squat more. Needing glasses is caused by too much time at the screen (and maybe poor diet) and not enough time spent looking into the distance. Without your glasses, look out a window into the distance for 20 seconds at least every few minutes when at the screen. Don’t forget to blink.

    Looking into the distance relaxes the eyes; close-up work strains them; wearing glasses strains them. This is why more and more people, including kids “need” glasses because they’re fed crap and spend most of their time staring at screens instead of looking at the world around them.

  7. Great rant Ian. Love the re-working of the Billy Joel song. I will never own an Ipad or any Apple product for that matter. I hate Apple. Elitist w*****s.

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